bloom 05

man, i thought reading IM profiles about graduation were hard, but the ones about appleblossom are hard too! i haven't attended any appleblossom festivities since i've left for school. at first i didn't really mind, but now that i've been missing home lately and longing to be around my friends from high school, i miss it. there's just something comforting about the bloom. it's consistent and it brings the community together. and even though the carnival is white trash most of the time, you can't help but want to go so you can ride the zipper that loses pieces as you spin in a suspended cage. and who can forget the rock n' roll...i haven't laughed that hard in ages! *sigh* maybe it's having a wedding coming in 31 days that makes me think about home and old friends so much. i have realized lately that my girlfriends from high school were so great. the fact that i never come home, but they still came to support me at a bridal shower means so much to me. i only wish i was near them and i too could be a part of the bloom festivities.

the wedding shower
Posted by Hello

hard times

you know what's hard for me? graduation. and not for the reasons you may guess. yes, i have some friends who will be walking across that stage with big grins on their faces and i will be sitting in the audience bored to tears just so i can say i went for them. yes, it means i may never see some people again because they will be going off into the real world in other states and countries. but those aren't the hard things. it's hard for me because i should be one of those people who leave graduation with a diploma. i have spent four years at college and would like to be finished. it's not too bad for people here to talk about it because i feel like i'm younger than them anyway since i transferred in to north central. however, those who think it's so hard to finish these last few days drive me nuts b/c they think they're the only ones who have ever done this in the world. but the hardest part is hearing about my girls from home who are finishing. A lot of it is because we did high school graduation together. even though i'm not near them and only see them on occasion, i still feel like we should all be doing this together. another difficult part is that they are looking back at what a wonderful experience college was for them - friends, parties, football games etc. and i don't really have that. i have made a handful of friends that i'm close to, but i have really distanced myself here. of course it began with my bitterness and not wanting to be here when i transferred. i'm not sure what it is now that keeps me from joining in with others and having fun. i'm not the same person i was when i left virginia and it's not necessarily a good change. i loved who i was when i left evangel and sometimes i wonder where that girl has gone. what made me change? graduation is hard - it makes you look back at things and take a closer look at yourself and how you have transformed. and for me i'm not so happy with the results.

Scandalous

it's kind of ridiculous how many little things go into the bride's attire for her wedding day. and it's not like any of it is really all that cheap. who knew how difficult it would be to find a slip - not to mention i haven't worn a slip since elementary school! i bought one tonight, but i'm doubting its ability to work under my dress. i think i have figured a way to cut and pin and tuck it so that it will work. i mean come on, it was only $10! i don't want to go for my fitting tomorrow and have them sucker me into buying an $80 slip that does "fancy" things for me. honestly, will i ever wear that thing again? no! but then of course i wanna look good and not be uncomfortable with the contraption i have designed. other than this slip issue, i'm really looking forward to picking up my dress. i really like this one - really i promise! so it will be much more exciting than the last time i did this. along with my undergarment purchase, i found some really cute clothes. i love kohl's! i forget to shop there. everything is so cheap because they constantly have sales. i got a cute skirt and tank top as part of my "honeymoon wardrobe". i was good and put back most of the items i carried around for awhile thinking i was going to buy them. i will be glad when i have a clothing budget after i'm married. for now it all goes to rent!

i was stylist for all but the lady in red (although i did offer advice)
Posted by Hello

relaxing weekend

i have finally fully recovered from last week's major stress. my three and a half hour nap yesterday did the trick! now i must start focusing again on two final papers and then one final and i'm out of here! at least for the summer :) i will also have time to focus again on getting fantastic arms for my wedding. saturday was a fun day for me. i went to rachael patterson's bridal shower in eden prairie after running errands in the morning with nick. i wanted breakfast from mcdonald's really bad, but nick doesn't like it so we waited until 11:57 - i ordered breakfast then he got back in line to order a big mac! i got a kick out of it. then i became the hairstylist for the afternoon as i helped the ladies on my former floor prepare for spring banquet. once they were ready to go i headed downstairs to see everyone dressed up. i felt like a mom who's kids were headed to prom. then sarah, megan, mel and i headed to friday's in non ncu appropriate attire and then to a movie. it was great - and i feel normal again. i was kinda suffering from a bit of a depression i believe.

a weight has lifted

the papers have been handed in, the presentations have been made and my stress level has decreased. it has been a tough week! i get a small break this weekend but need to start up again for two final papers. tonight i have a nanny interview and plan to do nothing school related. hopefully my interview goes well, if not rachael patterson works for a family who will be needing someone when she graduates in a few weeks. so i could be working next month instead of sitting around waiting for kids to get out of school after my wedding - how boring would that be? i've noticed this week how many people ask me how wedding plans are going. i mean yes that is a part of my life and for a small talk topic it works. but if each person only knew how many others ask me the same question (in the same day mind you) they may rethink their asking. i think i noticed it because i put wedding plans on hold this week so i could get school work done, and i'm sure my being stressed to the max contributed to my irritation towards the question. or perhaps it was the fact that lately i have felt invisible in many areas of my life (birthday party, caretaker, group projects and more). i felt the wedding question was all they could ask me because they know nothing else about me except that i have a ring on my finger. would someone please take the time to know more about me? to ask new questions? or just listen when i've share about my life?! i now realize how my dad must feel sometimes - my mom can be very dominating in a conversation, but my dad will make a funny or witty remark that no one will hear. i love to hear them, but now i wonder if he feels invisible like i do. i mean we are little people (in size) but does that mean others can't hear us? i don't get it.

almost there...

three parts of my stressful week are complete. my british lit paper is finished - although i have no clue how i will do on it b/c the professor grades very subjectively. my drugs and health paper is complete along with my group language arts lesson plan. now only three lesson plans for social studies and my presentation this afternoon. woo.

beautiful day

another sunshine day here. i've been working on homework since this morning and it hasn't been as bad as i thought it would be. i've been good and taken little breaks like french toast with nick, working out, tanning and a trip to the Miller Hall Garage sale just to browse. i can't believe it's been so long since i've had to do research. i really have to get back into the swing of things. i'm so glad the semester is almost over. it's not horrible, but i'm ready for summer. i'm also so glad i'm going to be a teacher and will have summers off for the rest of my life. the more i think about it the harder i think it would be to have another type of job. sure you get vacation time - but three months (give or take) to relax and eventually i'll be able to be home with my kids during that time. what a perfect job!

a fun filled weekend ahead

well my birthday ended up being celebrated on wednesday and it was ok. just store bought cookies and some chips, but hey i was sang to. this week's weather has be beautiful! i've gone for a walk the past two days after work to have a break before i start in on my huge amount of research i must do for my projects and papers due next week. i've really had an easy semester and even though this week seems a little overwhelming - until the end of the year i really only have one major project left. the warm weather makes it hard to focus though! so this weekend is homework, homework, homework but the next two weekends will be bridal showers so i'm looking forward to them. at least i have my treasured saturday tomorrow - sleep in (until like 9:00) and then clean and focus on homework. oh! if anyone knows of any good nanny jobs around let me know. the family i was going to nanny for realized they can't hire me back (long story) so now i'm searching again.

Memories of last year's birthday
Posted by Hello

22 birthdays down

i had an enjoyable birthday. i got a makeover at the aveda institute - cut, color and highlights. i now have my original hair color back after all these years. i then put on a hot outfit and had sushi with nick followed by the movie guess who. dawn, megan and lydia all wished me a happy birthday and my parents each called me personally. today however, i realized how upset i was that no one was in the office on friday to celebrate my birthday. see...in the office birthdays are a big deal. you get signs all over so that everyone who comes in wishes you a happy birthday, you get a party with great food and everyone sings to you. today was another staff member's birthday and i figured we would celebrate my 22 years with his 25. nope. he got all the good stuff and i was overlooked even though my birthday is written on the big calendar on the wall. our office manager even made sure to remind everyone it was another student's birthday today as well. she even got sang to. moral of the story...always wish a person happy birthday and make sure they are sang to at least once on their big day. ps. sorry to anyone who i've missed your birthday this year - i realize now what a big deal they are!

April Fools!

even though no one played a joke on me today, it's been rather bizarre. only me and one other girl were in the office today since the rest of the staff was at a conference and things were kinda crazy. one of the busiest days in awhile. i also got my first boot from the security office today - God bless them! they changed our parking because one of our lots will be used for the construction of our new chapel and today was the day to move to our new locations. no one ever told me when exactly we needed to move. i have a feeling they wanted to let us just figure it out on our own b/c they love putting boots on cars - you should see the look on their faces when they do it. so much for being Christian and compassionate. i've never liked those security people, but today topped it all off. then, for lunch i had to wait two hours for chinese! two hours! they're only like 3 blocks down the street, so i'm not sure why nick didn't go and just pick it up. but it was free and i didn't pass out so i guess i shouldn't complain. now i have to get into homework mode. i have several papers coming up but no motivation to do them. at least tomorrow is my birthday - that's supposed to be a great day, right? maybe, we'll see about that. last year was so fantastic i don't think anything could compare to that one. besides, after 21 you're not getting cool anymore, just old. wow - i'm in a depressing mood. i better end this before it goes any further.