hades week

after my last sweet entry about the cute things the kids say i now need to vent my frustrations and angry thoughts... i have always wanted to teach in the inner city. it's been my dream, my passion and my vision for so long. i couldn't wait to be in the minneapolis district for this experience. now i never want to go back. i want suburbia. i want calm children that aren't violent and disrespectful. i worked with middle school students who had less attitude than what i deal with now. can i be burnt out after 5 weeks? i can't imagine teaching for an entire year with these "brats" (which is how i've seen them this week). i yelled for the first time. i bet if anyone else saw it they would say it was wimpy, but man i hated it. i want to be proactive in my discipline not reactive like that and blow up at them. it doesn't help that i don't like my cooperating teacher and how she does things. i see her yelling a lot and i hate it. she calls it "being firm" and tells me i need to do it more. today she blew up over a center being messy. for the love! then she gets mad at me. and when i see a problem she asks, "and what did you do about it?" honestly i now understand those teachers who just let their kids run wild. i'd rather do that than try to rope them in or yell. i know it's not the right thing to do, but seriously i don't have the energy to discipline. it's the last thing i want to do. but i've gotta suck it up and try something for two more weeks. *sigh* that's gonna be the longest two weeks of my life! but then i'll be done and i'll never have to do it again. never.